When I started my experiment I was quite uncertain what I would want to post - I have several handfuls of poems, short stories, the odd barely started/almost finished novel and shelf-loads of notebooks - and I began quite tentatively, and then enthusiastically. My blog, and finding other blogs to read, became a welcome distraction from illness and misery. I was seduced by all the lovely comments I received on my poems and had lots of fun scribbling ditties in response to the various prompts I found.
I wonder if other bloggers have this feeling of failing themselves somehow? I began to feel that I was only writing and posting as some sort of elaborate prostitution, of choosing what I thought were appealing, easy poems, and not wrestling with what really matters to me (which is ...?) in order to continue to enjoy being read and appreciated.
I set up a separate blog to focus more on life in exile, thinking people might be interested in the bizarre lifestyle of this corner of the world, only to find that generally people weren't interested (save a few loyal ones) and that my squashed in and compromised life makes pretty boring writing: how many posts can one make about a tiny scrap of garden, semi-feral cats and peacocks? Well quite a few it turned out, but they hardly make compelling reading. I can't write about the vivid cultural life here - the bars and nightclubs, the restaurants and concerts, because I don't go out, except to the hospital and back.
I don't want to write about being ill, I know there is a sub-genre (well maybe a very big genre) of agony blogs and fora: not interested in others' misery and not interested in sharing mine. I could write about my obsession with the temperature (46 today), but if you really wanted to know, you could look that up, couldn't you?
I seem to be going further and further away from what feels authentic, which is why I have been so quiet lately. I haven't figured out what it is I want to do - I could simply 'have fun', but that is not my nature, unfortunately.
I am interested to know if other bloggers have these doubts about masks and identities, about doing what they see as their 'writing work' or not, or whether you just carry on into the dark without thinking too much on't?