To a Poor Old Woman
They taste
good to her
to the one half
sucked out in her hand
Old Woman Seen from the Bus
sucking the flesh
remembering kisses
when her skin was soft and ripehis firm
they taste good to her
they taste goodto her they taste of lust
she bends her face to
her plum-filled palmremembering the taste of his tobacco
the juice runs down her wrist
like spent sticky sperm on her thighthe seed rests in her mouth
smooth wooden pointedejects to the gutter
the next plum appears in her hand
bruise-red pregnantshe puts it back in the bag
wipes her mouth with her fingers
he would remember
5 comments:
"Ejects to the gutter" what a wonderful line, what a wonderful phrase. I like this poem for its honesty. You made me laugh Isabel. In your latest comment about my blog photo! I literally lost the other one altogether. You know what happens when one insists upon hitting the delete button. Ah well.
The first poem I ever saw published in America back in 1989 was a reimagining of a William Carlos Williams poem. I have been a fan a long time. On the whole I like this reworking. I certainly like the idea of it. The image of the sperm is an interesting one, especially when the “pregnant’ plum is rejected later. I don’t particularly like the line ‘like spent sticky sperm on her thigh’ not because I’m a prude but because of its sound – these are sharp sounds, they don’t flow or seep or even dribble – and I might think about alternate wording. You use ‘juice’ in the previous line and so ‘ooze’ would be one word I’d think of. I’m also not sure that a fruit would evoke the smell of tobacco. That doesn’t feel quite right. But on the whole I like it. It’s interesting how you mention ‘seed’ in the first line of the next stanza after you’ve been talking about the sperm. I might be tempted to have her recall sperm dribble down her chin and her rejection of the ‘pregnant’ plum an indication of the fact he never got her pregnant. Just taking a thought for a walk. It’s your poem.
Madame Raven, thank you for all your kind comments. Yes it is meant to be an honest reflection.
Deletion - always dangerous! But I'm glad I made you laugh, I always aim to please.
Best wishes, Isabel
Thank you for your insightful and detailed comments Mr Murdoch, I do appreciate them.
The line you questioned - the spent sticky sperm - I always hesitated over - but I kept it because of its sibilants - I wanted the spitting sounds. I don't see her particpating in oral sex - not because I'm a prude either but the man I saw in my poem might have been, in that way anyway.
I agree that fruit wouldn't normally evoke tobacco but his kisses always tasted of tobacco, of that much I am sure. And that he worked with his hands.
As for the rest of your ideas of course, the story you see/hear/imagine is what you bring to the poem. I hadn't thought about children or any pregnancy precisely - I am not very romantic!
Thank you again for your careful reading and thoughtful response.
Best wishes, Isabel
How sights and tastes evoke memories - sometimes glancing, not quite caught. I liked this, Isabel.
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